A Value-Added Life (3) (The end)

"...removing wasteful thoughts..." 

I went to a "Positive Thinking" course recently and was introduced to the concept of "wasteful thought". Natalie, the speaker, spoke about four different types of thoughts we would daily engage in. These are, ordinary, positive, negative and wasteful thoughts. Example of wasteful thought include spending too much time of one's look in front of the mirror. Personally, I find positive and negative thinking are our responses to outcomes in life. Wasteful thoughts are instances where we are in a situation where we "over-indulged" unnecessarily. One other example will be spending too long on the bed, or some may say, waking up slowly (Obviously, we should not take life that seriously, but let's admit it, we overdo it sometimes).

The classification of these thoughts made it interesting and also easier for one to discuss its impact further. There are ways to deal with negative thoughts, as was discussed in the session. However, little was said about wasteful thoughts. I asked Natalie how should we go about reducing wasteful thoughts. She said it should be all down to our observation, which I totally agree. It looks like the central idea about observation could achieve a few things at the same time. This includes not only converting negative thoughts into positive, but also reduce the impact of wasteful thoughts.

Putting aside positive and negative thoughts, wasteful thoughts are less obvious and talked about. The perception of what is wasteful and why and how this should be removed was also not obvious. The fact that when a thought become "wasteful" give enough rationale and motivation for one to want to remove it. This certainly has an effect of "adding value"..However, coming to the conclusion about "something" being "wasteful" needs some efforts. It can only be achieved if we practise constant "observation" and being awareness as much as possible in our daily life.

How much do we waste? what have we wasted and still wasting? are we doing something about this? Does this affect us to considerable extent?Big questions, but address appropriately should "add values" to one's life. Enough on this topics, I should end this here, with those questions as food for thoughts to the readers to think about later.


.

A Value-Added life (2)

What is the difference between "value" and "value-added" life?
Well, "value" is like a stock concept. It is a belief. It can be as simple as bargain hunting or going IT craze and become addicted to latest technology. The older generation may believe in how their parents brought them up is the right way to bring up kids and hence practise that on their own kids and so impose "value" on their kids the way they were being imposed. "value-added" is marginal. It is still about sticking to what one believes, but this has an additional edge to it, in that it "adds value", rather than impose or enforce it. When "value" is added, it normally serve a purpose like making things better and hence reinforced one's belief.

Can "value" be "too much of a good thing"
It certainly can. Bargain hunting can go the wrong way. IT techie addicts could find themselves ending up getting stuff they won't want it or getting tired too soon or finding problem they hadn't realised. I just had some bad experience while bargain hunting the other day, and ending up, unfortunately, finding myself to be overlying "careful" and missing out on "good bargain deal". We want our "value" to work for us, but in the end, it works against us and not "adding value". There is, of course, things to take away from the failure experience. Looking forward, there is obviously no time to waste, and so must learn the lesson and ensuring the next time not to repeat the same mistakes while bargains hunting.

Will "value" bias the way we see things? if so, how best to reduce the bias?
Values that were imposed/enforced on us made us believe the "values" are important and "workable", without making us further experiment or explore the likelihood that it would work. Our parenting style may be referenced from how we were brought up by our parents, for example. Bargain hunting tendency, like the way I did it, may prevent me from seeing the possibility of pursuing a "better quality" lifestyle that I could in fact, afford to do so. I may, however, argue that I enjoy a simple lifestyle and content with the simplest things, making it all the worthwhile to go for bargain. Still, this does not mean the "value"doesn't bias me.

If the bias (arising from having "value") cannot be minimised, what then is the rationale of having "value"?
I guess there is no one value that will "rule the world" simply because we are not perfect. We only do the best we can after all. What's importance is to develop a sense of awareness and observation, to the extent that only if we are clear about why and how a certain value is beneficial, then we pursue it. Value has to come from within and then strengthened and reinforced after testified by challenges, like the failure of bargain hunting that I had experienced. Hopefully, upon reflection, it will help to make it better the next time round. Then, the more we practised, the more this will "add value" to our life. That is how "value" will contribute to a "value-added" life though both concepts are different, in my opinion, as explained above.

A Value-Added life (1)

".... This could be a bargain-hunting activity...."

There are so many examples surrounding us are about value-added. This blog if going to be left "empty", with no updates will not be value-added anymore. I like to think the blog is an "outcome" of the state of life I am in. It does not mean how often I wrote (though I was quite "active" in the earlier period of writing the blog), it is what I wrote that "add value". Value-adding can be contributing to seeing new perspective on certain issues that I missed out in the past. Such continued search for "value" ensure I am always on the "look out" for new "experience" and "encounter".

"value" can also be taken to mean "belief". For example, western value, eastern value, etc. If certain thing add "values", this implies that I reinforced the belief and obviously, I feel good about it. So what is a good example of "value-added" activity? Bargain Hunting is one, I am sure, at least for me. It is hard to understand the rationale why this is so. But the thrill of "saving" makes one feel is a "big deal". This ranges from a few pence to a few pounds. Yes, it is a "belief" so it is a "value", it reinforced what you believed and you are simply "practising what you believing in".

We can always create new "value" based on our "belief". This should be, for example, about hobbies we choose to do, book we choose to read, music we choose to listen. Yes, you made a conscious effort to feel, sense and internalising them and you made a choice. I recently found I am a fan of Mozart piano, simply because it relaxed my mind to large extent. It felt as if my mind was being massaged by the rhyme of the piano music. It felt like I am being gentle touched, if I consciously (and relaxingly) following the piano keys from one to another, indulging myself totally in the world of Mozart. I just loved it.

At the end of the day, it is about "reaching out" and "discovery". Whether this involves people or not, it does not matter. It could be a very personal experience as simple as reading a good book, which is enough to take you a ride into an adventurous world that is waiting for you patiently out there. There are many things your mind and your senses can do to create wonder for you.You just have to discover them! :D

Sex Addicts in Shame!

"... there was an air of persistent unspoken sadness...."

"Shame" is strictly a tragic movie. It is about a man and his sister who seemingly suffer from obsession with sex, or sometimes what people termed as "sex addiction".Michael Fassbender, who played the lead role gives a convincing performance portraying someone with an obsession for sex.

"Shame" touched on the rather taboo topic (perhaps not now, where you can easily find people talk about it, just search on Google, wherever you are, you find loads of discussions). One cannot, of course, not mentioned about how the sex scenes are played out. The excellent skills and editing of the director successfully describe what went on in the mind of a potential sex addict. The opening scene of Brandon (played by Michael Fassbender) watching a stranger in the crowded underground, with the eye-contact passing subtle messages was well captured and conveyed, leading to further pursue that was unsuccessful, portrayed the darkest desire for sexual needs in the most impossible place.

The film focused on the present moment, going great length to describe the life of sex addict without touching on the past too much (it was known in the movie that Brandon and his sister where left damaged by their childhood, which was never completely revealed in the movie), and yet not letting viewers finding this incomplete, because you do find there were moments of humanity where the characters were brought back to their pasts and they respond to it. You don't know what's in the past, but you can see they are affected by it. It was all very intense and moving. Some sex scenes were hard to watch simply because they were just illustrations of obsessions. Putting aside the nakedness and explicit exposure of the scenes, it was the facial expressions that said it all. You can see these were all very enforced and struggle within were written all over the face. There was also an air of persistent unspoken sadness in the atmosphere throughout the movie.The beautiful background soundtrack (by Harry Escott) also successfully enhanced the atmospheric effect.

Michael Fassbender was good in the movie because he skilfully uses body language, eye-contact and facial expressions to convey messages. It was the visit of his sister, Sissy, played by Carey Mulligan that interrupted his routine of pursue with sexual obsession, which then leads to the uncover of this rather abnormal desire in front of the viewers and eventually brought him to some degrees of awareness (I won't give it away how all this happen).

The last scene was classic. It brought the viewers back to how it gets started, the crowded underground again. This time, a stranger sensing Brandon to be "a potential", stood up from her seat, sensually hold on to the bar waiting for Brandon to do the same, but this time, Brandon just sat there, stared at her blankly. It could be the start of Brandon being aware of the problem he faced, his darkside or it could be Brandon simply "playing game". I like to think it is the former because that scene reminded me what I wrote the other day about the darkside, i.e., Acknowledging the darkside, not fighting and evoking it, but gently guiding it with awareness. Maybe that way, it felt more hopeful

The effect of the darkside 3 (The end)

" Walking with the darkside, that is within you..."

Ever since I wrote about my "darkside", I have been through some reflections because I felt a bit "disturbed" (perhaps I like a bit of challenge?). It has helped me gain my resistance back. It helped me to become "strong" again. Actually I read an article after written that "darkside", It is from a website that talk about "acknowledging the dark side of human nature". Something written on the site appeals to me (though I don't buy into 100% what the site wrote about. I much prefer to find my own path and build my knowledge base). It says, "The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Everything has a shadow side. If you don’t see the shadow of a person, you don’t see the person and are blinded by idealisation. If you don’t see your own shadow, you are in denial, and will project your shadow onto others." Let me break that statement down into few parts and see if it make sense to you.

"If you don’t see the shadow of a person, you don’t see the person and are blinded by idealisation" How true that is! How often do we find a "certain mystery" in a person that seems "unexplainable" and how many times did you feel you are distant with the person, and no wonder best friends are sometimes those who know your darkest side (for example, secrets) and accepted them and still treated you as a good friend. Idealisation is similar to a state of perfection. What shows on the surface could therefore be potentially misleading.

"If you don’t see your own shadow, you are in denial, and will project your shadow onto others." There is no need to dig others' darksides, it is, however, important for one to be aware and to admit there is one within us. Denying that, you may subconsciously impose upon others, with consequences that may be undesirable. I supposed I had done that based on my encounter with the speaker the other day.

When I was little about 8 or 9 year old, I think. I remembered one early morning about 5 or 6 am. I went jogging all by myself on a quiet route all in total darkness with no street lighting. I told my uncle after that what I did. He was impressed, thinking I will "go far!. I am not sure  if I had gone far by now, but I am certain that experience at the time, really made me face my fear, and battle with it and then overcome it. Perhaps I have an emotionally "self-inflicting" personality, but I suppose I like to challenge my darkside. It is within me, but I want to walk with it. I gave myself opportunity to fight it, but now i know something. Acknowledging the darkside, not fighting and evoking it, but gently guiding it with awareness, should be the key. With that, I finished my three parts post on the darkside.